Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Remedial Writing and Proofreading Alert

[... taken from Buerkle's December press releases:]

December 5
“While these new and seasonal jobs will bring relief to some families during the holiday season, many [what?] will continue to struggle..."  [subject agreement for clarity]

December 5
"Testimony was heard today…" [passive voice, "my committee heard testimony" is always better unless your intent is obfuscation]
"…not enough is being done…" [passive voice, ditto]

December 6  
"…airmen, soldiers, and their families…" [Blueskygirl knows there is no official substitute; it is still sexist and she doesn't approve]

December 7
"…Buerkle’s concern regard the proposed restrictions on labor…"  [huh?]

December 8
"…the House Republicans jobs agenda…" [pos.]
"…hands of the people's elected representatives…"     [peoples']
"…and U.S. Chamber of Commerce,"      [period, not comma, at end of sentence]   

Heads Up Department: The Federal Government uses a first class training program for all government employees called Plain Language. Blueskygirl highly recommends it for Ann Marie Buerkle and her writing staff.  It will be an hour well spent. 
As always, there is no substitute for careful proofreading.
Blueskygirl is sad to say you are still using far too many commas. She thought we talked about this before.

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